C’est la vie…

Now I know death/illness/pain is a part of every day life. We all have lost loved ones that we cared deeply about, seen them suffer, helpless to stop it it. I get that, however if I could just catch a break, that would be great. In October 2011, I watched Cancer absolutely destroy my uncle, and he was taken from us on November 3. it was one of the worst things I have ever witnessed. That same year my beautiful cousin’s 2 & 1/2 year old daughter began her battle with pediatric cancer. Stage IV neuroblastoma…. thankfully she is surviving and still kicking cancer’s butt…. in the summer of 2012 I lost my step grandmother, my grandfather’s wife. during the fall of 2012 I lost an elderly Uncle, I was making daily hospital visits, sometimes for hours because I couldn’t bear the thought of him dying all alone. in the spring of 2013 my step dad suffered a silent heart attack, leading to his first stroke at the age of 49 memorial day weekend. Misdiagnosis at the ER and several other mistakes led to his second stroke a few days later. prepping for heart surgery in September led to stroke # 3. he is alive yes, but permanently disabled and slowly getting worse. Between December of 2013 and today (July 26th 2015) I have lost my stepfather’s mother, a woman who was like my own Aunt, an Uncle to lung cancer, another uncle to a brain tumor, and less than 24 hours after his passing, we lost his daughter as well. I then lost my next door neighbor, someone that I’ve grown up with as like another grandma to me. Then this past June I lost my grandfather. Even though I’m the 2nd eldest granddaughter, I was always his “baby girl”. Two nights ago I found out that my grandmother, who WAS cancer free for almost 10 years now, has cancer again. It is in her spine, her hip, and her lungs. She’s too weak for chemo. I know she isn’t immortal. But I can’t bear the thought of her final days being full of pain and agony … I would never wish cancer on my worst enemy. I will be there for her, be strong make her smile etc. I’m a healer I know how to be there for someone and focus on the positive. I’m not looking for comfort but it will be very hard on me seeing such a saint suffer. No matter how much emotional support I show it will not ease the physical pain that cancer causes. I fucking hate cancer.

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