Haven’t been to a funeral since October…. This is unusual for my family. Either this cycle Of constant death has ended or a truly tragic one is soon to come…. I sure hope it’s the former…..
Warning: Depression/Self Hatred post…. Don’t even bother reading this pathetic POS…. *Sigh* I am so sick of being absent minded…. Just once I’d like to function like a normal person. For the first time in 13 years I was an hour late for work for no reason other than I somehow figured that I can leave my house and simultaneously arrive at work at 3pm (Despite living 30/35 mins away and having to drop children off at babysitter’s house) now I have been several hours late for work, but that was always due to car troubles…. This was sheer negligence…. And to make matters worse, in my haste to get out the door I left the spare car seat on the side of the road!!! 😔 I have never been so ashamed of myself. First Saturday I left the diaper bag at my grandmas earlier that day, and by the time I realised this, it was at the babysitter’s, and too late to get it… Luckily, she had everything except spare clothes…. Now I know this can happen to anyone… We all get forgetful blah blah blah. I however cannot go a single day without messing SOMETHING up, and I’ve been chastised for it my ENTIRE life. If only I can learn to function like a normal human being, even if it were for one day. I hate feeling so useless and inadequate. Tis almost as bad as feeling all alone and disconnected. Loneliness and isolation might be two of the worst feelings in the world. (I don’t need cheering up, I’ll be fine again eventually, just tonight in particular I hate myself)