Grandma died today. I have no words. Yes it was anticipated, yes she is at peace. Doesn’t change the fact that I’m still numb.
Advanced terminal cancer. Terminal COPD. Need I sat more?
My parents finally realized how harsh CPR can be on gran and have changed their stance to DNR…. Do Not Recissitate…. I knew it would come to this, but hearing it acknowledged was like a kmife through my heart. I think I nearly collapsed when mom told me…. I know the reality but I’m still in denial myself.
So sometime last week Grandma took a pretty nasty fall. Since then she’s afraid to walk and no longer is able to go bathroom for herself. She’s been in the hospital since Wednesday with breathing issues, a UTI, and she’s very confused. The confusion has been on-going. I’ve been saying she has signs of dementia for years but apparently I don’t know what I’m talking about. Only witnessed it first hand with my great grandmother and my step grandmother who had Alzheimer’s but what do I know. Anyways the confusion has been pretty bad even before the fall. On Friday she underwent a procedure to remove the fluid buildup fron around her lungs. They ended up removing 340ccs and now we are waiting to see if it was caused by bacteria or her cancer. (But according to my parents the cancer is at bay) she is still in ICU still not breathing great, has no idea what’s going on, she has to be told to chew her food she’s that confused. Even worse is the fact that if she codes my step mom and dad want to revive her. I don’t think they know what that does to a person. She is suffering and in hell. Even if she recovers physically her mind is still steadily going down hill. I don’t want to loose her but she is no longer living, just merely existing. I just want her suffering to end I can’t bear to see here like this