Cycle of life

6 months since the last family death. Tomorrow is my step father’s birthday. Death and birthdays seem  to go hand in hand. And I’m  over due for a funeral given the trend of people dying in my family every 4-6 months or so… I fear for what may come 


 Always a fucking issue

So I’m planning my Son’s first birthday party.we chose to do it Sunday 8/21 so that my boyfriend’s visiting friend can attend. My sister’s response “did you make sure mom had the weekend off” um no I didn’t because even if she is, she can come after. My life doesn’t revolve around her anymore. Too many times did I have to coordinate events around her schedule. But seeing that no one from my family makes an effort to visit me I ALWAYS have to go to them, I’m done bending over backwards for them. The only reason they accept my boyfriend in my life is because of my son. Prior to that they wouldn’t give him the time of day ALL BECAUSE of the fact that he’s 14 years older than me. My mom in the past has accused me of always choosing my boyfriends families over my own. Well maybe that’s because they actually welcome and make me fee like family where as in my own family I’m nothing but a joke and an occasional money lender. …. This party is already causing me anxiety