Gone but never forgotten… 

June 4 2015, a day I’ll never forget. I had just arrived at work for my 10am shift when I received a phone call from my sister on the work phone…. she never calls my work phone. Immediately I knew  something was wrong, but thought maybe Keith had another stroke or something. Nope. “Grandpa passed away” she said tearfully. “What, what do you mean he passed away??!!??” I remember leaving work, picking Victoria up from my dad, struggling to keep my composure as she asked me to sing her “you are my sunshine” and the worst part. The guilt. How many times I had been up in Seymour,  visiting grandma,  thinking oh I really should go see grandpa too. Eh, it’s getting late, another time. Well I never got that other time. I’m so sorry Grandpa, I miss you tons, and love you, always.

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🎵 Somebody Save Me 🎵

You know what a dream of mine has been ever since I was 12? Not even in a romantic sense , just in general…. I’ve always dreamed of meeting someone who sees through the facade and says no. You’re NOT ok. How do you REALLY feel? It’s OK you CAN open up to me….. Wonder what THAT says about my childhood….. 

Surprise.

Mom randomly sent me a Snapchat telling me that she loves me. Really needed that today, but tis sad that a gesture like that catches me off guard and I wonder the motive behind it…. I wonder what its like to live in a world where adults regularly express their emotions and feelings towards one another. I do believe that my children are the only ones I say ” I love you” too on a day to day basis….. I also realised that I care more about my boyfriend’s lack of outward affection more than I care to admit, or at least that is the case in my dreams. Don’t get me wrong at least with him I do feel loved and appreciated, but apparently I still miss little.romantic gestures. The older I get, the more sappy I become. Damn hormones. I miss my tougher less emotional self that I was as a teen and in my early twenties. Although I was always a sucker for Love. I really ought to get some sleep. Good night 

The Memory Remains…..

It’s been 10 months, yet the pain is still there. My father recently moved into my Grandfathers old condominium… Even though it is decorated to my dad’s taste, it still feels like Grandpa’s house to me. This weekend was the first time I have stayed here for an extended period of time not just a quick dropping off/picking up children for babysitting purposes …. I keep getting a barrage of images, memories, and an all around sadness, missing my grandfather like crazy. Oh how I wish he had a chance to meet his Great Grandson…. I even checked out the master bedroom, where I was