“Backbeat, the word was on the street that the fire in your heart is out….”

Hey folks remember Me? Yea the whiny pitiful bitch is back! Did you miss Me? Ha ha ha of course not, it must have been nice to have a reprieve from the complaints…. well its been well over a year now, and we’ve been pretty good with no more deaths at the moment….my step dad had another stroke, and now he had COPD… still have my moments of soul crushing depression,  peaks of craziness which is more dangerous because it makes me want to do something reckless like actually follow through with plans for suicide that depressed me has made…. I suppose if we can still find rational me in there somewhere I’ll be ok. There are a select few who are trying their damndest to keep me afloat, and honestly I don’t thing I really want to end it all, it’s just sometimes I just don’t think I can handle the pain of loneliness…. but I’m trying guys, I do want to hang in there,  if anything for the kids alone…. well, good night everyone….. 

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Mother’s gonna make all your nightmares come true….

I know this is childish and silly to be upset about but oh well. Back in December when it was my birthday I inquired as to when did we want to get together for cake for my birthday… mama always cooked me a nice meal and we had cake for my birthday …. This year I was told I’m too old for that, time to grow up and besides my boyfriend can throw me a party if I want…. Ok fine whatever. Today my mother texts me “we’re having a surprise party for your sister can you get the cake?” Mind you my sister is only 3 years younger than me…. I’m childish for merely wanting cake and she is getting a whole surprise party. … Yea I totally feel loved by my mom right now… Ok. Enough of that pity party….